I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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