Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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