just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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