yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
