I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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