So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
