she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
