i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
