1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
