I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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