Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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