I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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