it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
