in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My vagina is officially offended.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
