He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
