cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
