Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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