We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
