he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
