whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
