the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
