1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
