she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
