He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
