well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
