I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Swine flu is the new snow day.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
