Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
