i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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