My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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