My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Only a mothe r could love this liver
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Couch. On fire.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
