My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
