he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
