evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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