Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
