apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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