Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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