My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
