i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
