just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
