it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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