Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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