My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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