My hand turned me down
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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