if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i think my tv is drunk
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
