it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
two words: eviction party
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
