Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
