when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
