Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
