your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
