whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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