she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
