dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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