i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
