i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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