READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
