Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
